What if the very religion that is supposed to comfort you is the cause of your walking away? For many grown children of devout families, leaving behind belief is not a straightforward rejection; it’s a deeply intimate, usually painful journey through doubt, disillusionment, and, finally, self-discovery. In 2025, when increasingly people openly question their faith inherited from their upbringing, their authentic accounts reflect on what actually compels an individual to abandon their religion.
From dealing with hypocrisy to discovering new communities, these stories and research-based findings illustrate that exiting religion is seldom a matter of a single event. Rather, it’s a tapestry of lived realities, critical reflection, and the quest for authenticity. Here are seven of the strongest reasons individuals give for moving away from religion and what follows.
1. Hypocrisy in Religious Communities
One of the most prevalent commonalities among disbelieving former believers is the incongruity between religious doctrine and the behaviors of those within the faith. Many remember observing leaders or members of the family who taught compassion and morality but behaved in manners that seemed profoundly incompatible with those teachings. As one former believer described it, “The rampant hypocrisy sickened me.” There are tales of church leaders embroiled in scandals, or of churches hasty to judge and exclude instead of welcome and forgive. This disconnect between what was said and what was done led many to wonder if religion was about love and acceptance instead of control.
Research supports this, showing that exposure to what psychologists call “credible displays of faith,” where families genuinely live out their beliefs strongly predicts adult religiosity. When those displays are lacking or feel insincere, doubt often takes root.
2. The Problem of Suffering and Evil
The age-old conundrum why do bad things happen to good people? isn’t merely philosophical; for many, it’s egregiously intimate. A number of ex-believers reported that seeing suffering, particularly with children or the innocent, dismantled their faith. As one anecdote went, “If I were God, no child would have cancer.” The notion that a benevolent, omnipotent god would permit such anguish simply wasn’t math.
This ethical conflict made others believe that morality is man-made and not ordained by God. For them, the universe was more comprehensible without the presence of supernatural reasons for pain.
3. Judgment, Shame, and Exclusion
For others, the path away from faith started with judgment or shame sometimes preached from the pulpit, sometimes by family or friends. One ex-Muslim said they grappled with religious laws that seemed impossible to abide because of ADHD and were then informed they were headed to hell. Others remembered being shamed for family situations, such as divorce, or for questioning things.
These encounters frequently resulted in a feeling of alienation and emotional suffering. Indeed, research indicates that nearly 25% of American atheists have felt rejected or isolated by family members because of their nonbelief. The emotional consequences can be immense, leading many to seek validation and self-worth outside religious contexts.
4. Exposure to Other Beliefs and Critical Thinking
Curiosity is a strong influence. Most who departed their faith relate a critical mass moment when they started to study other religions or read their own holy texts skeptically. Suddenly, the notion that their religion of birth was the “one true way” seemed doubtful. As one said, “Once I knew about other religions, I realized the odds were slim that I had just happened to be born in the right one.”
An analytical mind comes into play here. New research points out that although upbringings are important, the individuals who become critical thinkers tend to question and ultimately break away from their religion even if their parents were pious.
5. Loss and Rediscovery of Community
Abandoning religion may involve the loss of more than ideas; it is possible to lose an entire support group. Ex-believers often report an unobtrusive mourning for abandoned rituals, friendships, and a sense of belonging. As one psychologist said, “It’s not just about what you stopped believing. It’s about what you stopped belonging to.”
But the story does not end there. Many discover new communities online or through secular groups like the American Humanist Association or Sunday Assembly. These communities provide connection, meaning, and even new rituals, evidence that community can flourish without a common doctrine.
6. The Challenge of Family and Social Stigma
Being an atheist is not always greeted with open arms. Many feel pressured to keep their atheism a secret or fake religiosity in order to not rock the boat. Almost 38% of U.S. atheists have been told by family or friends to be secretive about their nonbelief. Fears of rejection or being judged as immoral are present, and it can put stress on even the closest relationships.
In spite of such difficulties, there are those who find that honesty regarding their beliefs creates richer, more genuine relationships albeit one that takes time and courage to achieve.
7. Growth, Empowerment, and New Values
Whereas the process of departing from faith can be filled with bereavement, most eventually qualify it as a path to empowerment and self-acceptance. They usually claim to feel more authentic, self-assured, and capable of living according to their own morals following deconversion. One therapist indicated, “A lot of my clients have spoken to me about how they were able to more authentically live according to their values once they left a faith, in that they were making independent choices as to what was right, as opposed to what they’d been instructed to do.”
For others, this translates into inventing new rituals, practicing self-care, or discovering meaning in serving others. Losing their faith, therefore, becomes less about what one leaves behind and more about what one gains.
The accounts and studies of deconversion reveal that abandoning faith is not often a choice against hope or morality. Rather, it’s a multifaceted, very human experience, one that can be painful, yes, but also clear, expansive, and filled with renewed belonging. For anyone doubting their beliefs or researching these paths, one thing rings true: you are not alone, and the journey ahead can be richer and deeper than you ever thought possible.
