“Dear friend, the most effective way to wake up a person in pain is actually simply to acknowledge their experience,” says Suzette Bray, L.M.F.T., a licensed California psychotherapist, and that’s probably the most revolutionary guidance you’ll get today. It’s simple to want to say something deep or do something big when a friend’s hurting, but, as it turns out, low-key, considerate acts prescribed with science and a dash of creativity are the actual revolution.
If your BFF is stranded or simply having a horrific week, having the ability to help them (without crossing boundaries or venturing into toxic positivity territory) is a straight-up superpower. Buckle in for a combination of pro-approved tips and good-vibe advice that far, far surpasses “just be happier” these are the tiny things that actually make someone feel heard, understood, and a bit lighter.
1. Begin with genuine listening and validation
Forget the temptation to try to solve it immediately sometimes the best present is your full attention. As Bray describes, “You don’t need to solve their problem or drag them into fake happiness; just acknowledging that it’s a tough time can help people feel seen and understood” (Prevention). Instead of jumping in with advice, offer a simple, “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.” Research shows that telling someone to “calm down” or “look on the bright side” can actually backfire, making them feel dismissed (CHC Online).
Even just appearing, in person or by phone, makes your friend feel safe to process their emotions. “When others hear you and they say they get you, you feel trusted, you feel cared for, you feel connected,” says UCLA psychology researcher Razia Sahi. That sense of connection typically is the beginning of feeling better.
2. Invite a Low-Key Gathering or Nature Stroll
Sometimes, the prescription is simply to be together no plans, no expectations. According to experts, “being near another human can sometimes remind them that they’re not alone in the world, even when they feel disconnected” (Prevention). Take your friend for a peaceful walk in the park or a warm coffee outing. Walking outdoors has been proven to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety by a significant percentage due to an endorphin, serotonin, and sunlight threefold boost (Healthline).
Even if your friend is not in the mood to speak, sharing space TV time, sitting around in silence, or even people-watching is enough. Exercise and fresh air are scientifically proven mood stabilizers, and there’s nothing like a change of venue to put one in a better mood.
3. Acts of Kindness: The Ultimate Mood Booster
Here’s a science-based tip to boost your mood: doing something good for someone else might just brighten up your friend’s and your day. Researchers discovered that kindness activated stronger increases in mood and social connections than even the gold standard of therapy (Ohio State University). Make it small: bake cookies, write a sticky note with something kind, or volunteer to run an errand.
“A great number of individuals believe that depression and anxiety indicate that individuals are imprisoned within themselves, yet studies indicate that when individuals perform good deeds, they can actually boost their mood,” states psychology professor Jennifer Cheavens. The bonus? Kindness is catching your thoughtful act could encourage your friend to reciprocate, creating ripples of good vibes (APA).
4. Praise the Small Wins and Provide Considerate Praise
When you are in a low, even the smallest things do not seem possible. Bray proposes, “‘Hey, you got out of bed and made coffee! You’re doing great!’ sounds ridiculous, but when a person is genuinely feeling stuck, the small doses of praise can get them through” (Prevention).
Sincere, thoughtful compliments “I love the way you have a way of making everyone feel at home” or “Your creativity is inspiring me” can cause your friend to see themselves through your eyes. Even a “compliment challenge” (issuing a few sincere compliments a day) can work miracles (AARP). These little doses of affirmation remind your friend of his or her strengths and worth, especially when self-doubt is ringing in his or her head.
5. Do a Mood-Boosting Activity Together
Distraction is not avoidance it’s actually a real way of breaking a negative cycle. Invite attempting something new together, such as a living-room dance-off, a speedy crafting session, or a silly challenge. Studies have found that doing mastery or enjoyable activities can distract from sadness (Prevention).
You may begin a gratitude journal, prepare a “happy meal” (try foods with serotonin such as bananas or walnuts), or simply dance it out (BSW Health) to your favorite music. One or two games of “fake it till you make it,” smiling, keeping your back straight, or laughing at a humorous video can change the mood in the most unexpected ways.
6. Write a Letter or Send a Thoughtful Text
If in-your-face is overkill or worlds apart, a handwritten note or a brief, honest text is a lifeline. “A considerate act like a hand-written note can indicate you’re thinking of them,” states Dr. Saba Afzal (Prevention).
Keep the messages short and cheerful meme, GIF, or a quick “thinking of you” message. It’s not to work everything out via text, but to let your friend know that they are not alone. At times, seeing your name appear is enough to put a smile on their face.
7. Practice Encouraging Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
It’s easy to get caught up in a criticism loop when feeling down. Challenge your friend to treat themselves as well as they would treat you. Mindfulness deep breathing, brief meditation, or simply entering into the senses can break the spiral of rumination (Psychology Today).
Remind them: “Feelings aren’t facts.” Feelings come and go, and it’s fine to simply let them pass without trying to analyze them. Sometimes simply labeling what they’re feeling allows them to gain perspective and kindness towards themselves.
8. Recommend a Gratitude Practice
Gratitude isn’t just a buzzword it’s a proven way to shift focus from what’s wrong to what’s still good. “Taking the time to focus on what we’re grateful for is a powerful way to feel happier and more fulfilled,” notes psychologist Lisa Firestone (Psychology Today).
Try starting a shared gratitude journal or simply texting each other three things you’re grateful for each day. Over time, this practice can rewire the brain to notice the positives, even on tough days.
9. Share a Scent, Song, or Snack
Never underestimate the power of sensory pleasures. A favorite scent (like lavender or vanilla), a nostalgic song, or a comfort snack can trigger positive memories and feelings (Healthline).
Light a candle, drink a cup of peppermint tea, or play a playlist of music that you both enjoyed during better times. These little sensory actions are grounding and instantly calming.
10. Be Kind and Patient Always
There will be times when the bad moods linger, and your friend won’t just get over them right away. “Sometimes being a soft place to land is enough,” says Bray (Prevention).
Keep showing up, even if it feels like your efforts aren’t making a difference. Consistency gentle check-ins, small gestures, and lots of patience builds trust and lets your friend know you’re in it for the long haul.
11. Avoid Toxic Positivity and Comparisons
It’s easy to attempt to “cheer up” your friend with good things or tales of victories by other people who “have it worse,” but professionals caution that this has the function of making individuals feel dismissed or guilty concerning their feelings (Prevention). Avoid the temptation and remain with empathy and verification.
Let your friend be okay with how they’re feeling, and don’t move to fix-it mode unless asked. Sometimes the greatest help is just being there no pep talk necessary.
12. Be a Champion of Professional Help When Necessary
If your friend’s sadness lingers or deepens, gently suggest reaching out to a mental health professional. There’s no shame in needing extra support, and sometimes, talking to a therapist is the most empowering step.
Remind them that everyone needs help sometimes, and you’ll be there to support them whether that means helping find resources or just cheering them on from the sidelines.
13. Practice Kindness Together It’s Contagious
Kindness isn’t just for your friend it’s for you, too. Acts of kindness decrease stress, happiness, and even the self-esteem of both giver and receiver (APA). Volunteer with your friend, leave motivating notes around your neighborhood, or even compliment strangers on a regular basis.
These acts of mutual kindness will bond you closer and remind the two of you that no matter how terrible the day turns out, there is still something good in the world.
It’s not about being the one with all the solutions it’s about being there, listening, and bringing small, genuine behaviors that communicate, “You matter.” A pinch of imagination, a bit of tolerance, and understanding (and a sprinkle of science), and you can help your loved one feel less isolated and a whole lot brighter. And remember, even the smallest act can ignite a brighter tomorrow.
