“Who are you going to believe me or your own eyes?” That line from the movie Gaslight speaks to the chilling essence of emotional manipulation. Gaslighting isn’t just a buzzword but a profoundly destructive strategy that can make anyone, regardless of how resilient, doubt their own reality. With mental health and toxic relationship discussions gaining traction in 2025, understanding gaslighting has never been more important. Whether it’s a romantic interest, family member, or even co-worker, these subtle (and not-so-subtle) lines can erode your confidence and sense of self.
Below, learn the most popular gaslighting phrases and techniques, along with expert-supported advice to take back your power and defend your mental health.
1. “That Never Happened” Denial and Distortion
One of the most time-honored gaslighting tactics is outright denial. When you say, “That never happened,” you’re not only evading blame you’re actually distorting your reality. Therapist Lisa Ferentz explains that this is intended to discredit your instincts and make you depend more on what the abuser says actually happened. The more you hear it, the more you begin doubting your own memory, which is exactly what the gaslighter is after. This persistent denial can heighten your dependency on the abuser and erode your confidence in your own perceptions.
As highlighted in research, survivors often end up feeling confused, disoriented, and isolated, which makes it even harder to break free from the cycle.Denying facts and distorting reality are signature moves in the gaslighter’s playbook.
2. “You’re Too Sensitive” Minimizing and Trivializing
Have you ever been accused of overdoing it or making a big deal out of nothing? The phrase “You’re too sensitive” is a favorite among gaslighters. They tell this to silence you and belittle your feelings of hurt or disappointment, making you feel a fool for even expressing them. As described by Beverly Engel, writer of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, as soon as an abuser dismantles your trust in your own feelings, you’re more likely to remain in the relationship and tolerate being treated badly.
This sentence can also be combined with derisive jokes or mocking comments consider, “It was only a joke, can’t you joke?” or “You’re exaggerating things way out of proportion.” Trivializing and minimizing are insidious yet effective methods to undermine your reality.
3. “You’re Crazy And Other People Think So, Too”
Isolation and Smear Campaigns Gaslighters don’t merely expect you to question yourself they want other people to question you, as well. By doing things such as, “You’re crazy and other people think so, too,” or “Everyone agrees with me,” they’re attempting to alienate you from your support network. Lisa Ferentz describes this as discrediting you to friends and family so that no one is likely to believe your version of events. This alienation is a huge warning sign and can leave you feeling absolutely isolated.
As the GBV Learning Network explains, gaslighters may specifically distort reality to make you more reliant on them and less able to seek help from others. When you find someone attempting to manipulate others against you or make you doubt your sanity, take a step back and reach out to trusted friends or a mental health provider.
4. “You Have a Terrible Memory” Questioning Your Sanity
Another manipulative move? Making you second-guess your memory. “You have a terrible memory” or “We discussed this don’t you recall?” are statements designed to erode your confidence in your own mind. For therapist Shannon Thomas, this is central to gaslighting: “The more that you doubt yourself, the more easily the abuser will manipulate you.” This sort of manipulation makes you wonder if you’re losing your mind, which is what the gaslighter intends.
Eventually, you become dependent on the abuser to inform you about what is real and what isn’t a toxic cycle difficult to break. Long-term consequences may be anxiety, depression, and an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness.
5. “It’s Your Fault” Blame Shifting and Deflection
Gaslighters are experts at avoiding responsibility. “It’s your fault,” “You made me do it,” or “You should have known how I would respond” are all blame-shifting techniques to put the blame on you. The deflection has the effect of keeping the spotlight off them and putting you in a defensive position. Blame-shifting aims to make you feel culpable for the abuser’s conduct and emotional state.
As emphasized in current research, such a strategy is coercive control and may make you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and guilt. When you’re always apologizing or making amends, it’s simple to overlook what’s going on. If you catch yourself constantly taking the blame, it’s a sign to stop and consider what’s going on. Blame and deflection are emotional manipulation’s bread and butter.
6. “You’re Making That Up” Accusations of Lying
When a gaslighter tells you, “You’re making that up,” they’re not only denying your reality they’re accusing you of lying. This can be particularly painful if you take pride in being a truthful person. This strategy not only erodes your self-assurance but can cause you to believe you’re the manipulator. Experts say that this is a double-edged sword: you end up defending your integrity and still questioning your own judgment. If you catch yourself hearing this statement frequently, pay attention healthy relationships are founded on mutual trust, not ongoing accusations. Lying accusations are one of the most effective methods of keeping you on your toes.
7. “I Don’t Know What You Want Me to Say” Stonewalling and Withholding
At other times, gaslighters may silence you with statements such as, “I don’t know what you want me to say,” or even just stop talking. This is referred to as stonewalling or withholding, and it is intended to make you feel heard and discounted. By not addressing your concerns, the gaslighter holds you at bay and in frustration. This is a strategy that can make you feel helpless and desperate for relief, which makes you even more reliant on the abuser.Stonewalling and withholding are subtle but deeply hurtful methods of manipulation.
8. “It Was Just a Joke” Covering Up Insults with Humor
Covering up insults with jokes is another favorite ploy. “It was just a joke, can’t you take a joke?” is employed to invalidate your emotions and get you wondering about your reactions. This tactic trivializes your pain and allows the gaslighter to avoid responsibility. If you find yourself constantly on the receiving end of jokes that don’t feel funny, it’s worth examining whether humor is being used as a weapon.Trivializing through humor is a common way to disguise emotional abuse.
9. “You Need Professional Help” Pathologizing and Shaming
When a gaslighter says, “You need professional help,” it’s often not out of genuine concern. Rather, it’s a means of pathologizing your responses and making you feel unreliable. This shaming strategy can be particularly hurtful, causing you to doubt your own mental health and seek approval from the source of the harm. Based on the most recent research, this type of manipulation can have long-term impacts on your self-esteem and motivation to find actual help.Pathologizing is an effective means of having you feel helpless.
10. “Why Are You Always Bringing Up the Past?” Deflecting Accountability
When you attempt to confront a pattern of behavior, a gaslighter may deflect by saying, “Why are you always bringing up the past? ” This is not an honest or truthful statement. It is rather a means of ending necessary conversations and not being accountable for one’s actions. Deflecting focus from the past results in no true resolution and keeps you within a circle of confusion. As experts note, healthy relationships involve confronting and working through problems not sweeping them under the carpet.Deflection is a master manipulative tool.
11. “Who Do You Think They’re Going to Believe Me or You?”Intimidation and Threats
Lastly, gaslighters will even intimidate you into remaining silent. “Who do you think they’re going to believe me or you? ” is meant to frighten you into compliance and keep you from getting help. This threat is all about having control and pushing you further away.If you hear this, understand that it’s a manipulation strategy one designed to keep you from reaching out for help from others. Intimidation and threats of doubt are red flags that it’s time to get outside assistance.
Identifying these gaslighting words and actions is the beginning of taking back your confidence and mental health. If any of these sound familiar, remember: you’re not alone, and you’re not imagining things undefinedAs Dr. Danielle Hairston puts it, gaslighting is “a manipulation tactic” that thrives in secrecy and silence undefinedBy learning to spot the signs, reaching out for support, and trusting your instincts, you can break free from emotional manipulation and build healthier, more empowering relationships. Your reality is valid and you deserve to be heard and respected.
