“Did you know that almost 70% of relationship issues are non-solvable?” That’s a quote from Dr. John Gottman’s book, a landmark tome, and it’s a figure that can reassure anyone mired in a dysfunctional relationship. Because here’s the reality: if you’re locked into a cycle of fighting, stonewalling, or just feeling disconnected, you’re certainly not the only one—and your relationship isn’t necessarily a lost cause.
Relationships aren’t always the Hallmark fairy tales we scroll through on Instagram. They’re sometimes complicated, messy, and all about having the hard conversations. But as most therapists can attest, a rough patch doesn’t necessarily mean you’re with the wrong guy/girl—it may simply mean the two of you need a new playbook. Here, find the most revealing signs your relationship is worth saving, and the science-backed advice that can help you and your partner to begin anew.
1. You Both Still Want to Make It Work—Even If You’re Struggling
It may sound obvious, but one of the best signs that a rocky relationship can be salvaged is that neither of you can bring yourselves to give up. If both of you seriously want to work things out—even if you have no idea how—that’s a good starting point. As this main article states, being willing to continue talking even when frustrated indicates that there is still commitment and caring.
This is not to suggest you need to be a seasoned expert. As a matter of fact, psychologists on Psychology Today say that the most important thing is that both of you are willing to have honest communication about what is not working and what you need to change. “Talk is cheap. Actions rock!” observes Dr. Diana Kirschner, encouraging couples to watch out for actual follow-through, and not merely talk. And if both of you are willing to experiment—even badly—there is hope.
2. You’re Both Admitting Fault and Apologizing Honestly
Come on: apologizing stinks. But when both of you are willing to set aside your pride, apologize, and actually do something to fix it, it’s a breakthrough. To be able to take the blame for a scrap (and not just point fingers) is a reflection of emotional intelligence. According to Dr. John Gottman, giving a genuine apology—even if you don’t entirely see eye-to-eye with your partner—indicates that you care about his or her feelings and the relationship as a whole.
This has nothing to do with playing it fair or hoping for forgiveness. It’s building a safe place where the two of you can be vulnerable, get hurt, and heal. The primary article shows that couples who build a practice of apologizing and going above and beyond to clear up scores after fights are more successful at creating lasting trust. After a while, these small acts of humility can rebuild even the most toxic dynamic.
3. You’re Both Willing to Change—And Actually Doing It
A relationship won’t heal if the two of you are stuck in the same patterns. One of the greatest indicators you need to try again is when both you and your partner will make a change. This can be as simple as improving communication skills or going to couples therapy. According to experts, it’s not about making vows to do better—it’s about showing up and keeping up.
Mostly, it’s one of you proposing that you both get couples therapy, or the two of you studying conflict resolution techniques and then actually practicing them. Sometimes it’s simply establishing new boundaries and sticking to them. When you catch bits and pieces of each other going the extra mile—such as giving those old flames the cold shoulder, or clearing the time for regular check-ins—it’s a definite indicator your relationship is changing for the better.
4. You’re Fighting It Out Together, Not Sweeping It Under the Rug
There will be fighting. But that’s not the issue. The couples who make it through tough times aren’t necessarily the ones who don’t fight—they’re the ones who fight sensibly and work toward solutions. The best relationships are centered on figuring things out with a win–win solution, not just with one person emerging as a “winner” and the other fuming about it.
According to relationship experts, healthy conflict resolution involves eliminating emotional disturbances (like anger or resentment), committing to a win–win mindset, and practicing purposeful listening. This means both partners are willing to listen, brainstorm, and compromise until they find a solution that works for both. Over time, this builds trust and emotional safety—two essentials for any lasting partnership.
5. You’re Learning About Attachment Styles and Using That Knowledge
Ever asked yourself why some arguments repeat themselves interminably, or why you and your partner respond to stress differently? The answer may be lurking in your attachment style. Pioneering research by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, authors of “Attached,” explains that learning about your own and your partner’s attachment style can open the door to a new universe of empathy and understanding.
Those with a secure attachment are more capable of managing conflict, but those with anxious or avoidant attachment may have trouble with trust or intimacy. But the good news is: “We can become secure, and I think that’s very promising,” says Dr. Levine in a recent interview. The fact that you even have knowledge of these patterns is enough to enable you to change your reaction and work at breaking through deep-seated patterns. If you and your partner are open to learning attachment and implementing it in your life—perhaps even with a therapist’s assistance—you’re building a foundation for a far more resilient, far healthier relationship.
6. You’re Both Still Each Other’s Cheerleader—Even When Times Are Tough
When life doesn’t go right, it’s simple to forget the positives. But couples who emerge from tough times have said that, all of the drama put aside, they still carry each other’s hopes and appear when it matters. The primary article reminds us that providing help during bad times is a cornerstone of a good relationship.
Perhaps your boyfriend is having your back at work, or you have his back when he’s caught up in family drama. Even minor gestures of support are an indication that the ground remains firm. If you’re still having each other’s backs—when you’re fighting too—then there’s a high possibility that your relationship has staying power.
7. You’re Both Committed to Setting—and Respecting—Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries isn’t building walls; it’s safeguarding your emotional health. Experts concur that the single most important test for whether a partner can be rehabilitated for a second chance is how they respect boundaries. As defined by Psychology Today, if your partner is respecting your boundaries (like needing some space after a fight or maintaining mutually established boundaries), that is a good sign of emotional maturity. If they become angry or contemptuous of your needs, that’s an issue.
When both partners can communicate their boundaries—and honor each other’s—it creates a safer, more respectful dynamic. This doesn’t just prevent future hurt; it also builds trust and shows you’re both invested in a healthier future together.
8. You’re Both Growing—Individually and as a Couple
A relationship must be a place where both of you can evolve. If you and your partner are able to look back and find true growth—perhaps you both learned to communicate more effectively, or both learned to manage stress—then that’s a great success. The main article proposes that couples who evolve and learn together ultimately form the strongest, most enduring connections.
Growth is literally going to couples therapy, reading books about relationships, or simply being more present in daily encounters. The largest thing is that you both are becoming, not mired in the same old rut. If you feel like you’re nicer people for having been with each other (not because of it), that’s a good sign it’s fight worth fighting.
9. You Still Have a Vision for the Future
Last of all, one of the most telling indications your relationship is salvageable is that you still dream together. If by the end of the night you both desire the same things—having a family, seeing the world, or just growing old together, if nothing else—that common dream can buoy you through nearly any challenge.
In the first article, discussing your future and committing on what great things you want to do is a sign of true partnership. Even if things are not good, if both of you are excited when you discuss what comes next, it is a good indication that your relationship has a strong foundation that is worth preserving.
Eventually, all relationships are going to have their humps and bumps—but it’s how you ride out the storms that writes your book. And if you notice these signs within your relationship, you might just have what it takes to rewrite the script. Because lasting love isn’t about never arguing; it’s about growing, learning, and showing up for each other, again and again. So breathe deeply, lean into it, and have confidence that a better, happier relationship awaits on the horizon.
