“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” That quote from Antoine de Saint Exupéry isn’t just poetic it’s a wake up call for couples everywhere. Relationship slumps are more common than most admit, and they’re not a sign of doom. In fact, they’re a totally normal part of long term love, whether you’ve been together for two years or two decades.
When that spark is more a flicker, you can easily find yourself questioning whether you and the other are the sole survivors. The odds are in your favor, however: every relationship has an awful moment every now and then. The miracle is what you make of it afterward. The good news is that with some intent (and some evidence-based advice), you can take a dip and make it your next big glow up for your relationship. Here’s how you can shake things up, reconnect, and come out stronger than ever.
1. Admit the Slump Then Have The Talk
Breaking out of a slump involves admitting that you are in one. Not discussing it just keeps things stalled. Our suggestion is to discuss openly and with kindness. As RF Dance employees will assure you, “Open communication is the lifeblood of love.” Clear a phone free, TV free heart to heart just the two of you. Use “I feel” not accuse and really listen. It’s a simple ritual that can break down barriers and create real change.
And if you’re worried you’re the only one going through this, don’t worry. Most partners are more attuned than they’ll admit to. Being honest about your feelings is step one toward a warmer, more intimate relationship.
2. Go Back to Your Origin Story for a Spark
Those youth butterflies? They may be asleep, but not forever. Relationship therapist Kelli Miller says, “What you feel at first is impossible to maintain,” but don’t panic, it doesn’t necessarily mean you can never recapture some of that spark. Recreate that first date or go back to where you met. Research indicates that nostalgia, such as working through old pictures or seeing your first dating films, will reignite those early flames (Oprah Daily).
Even a small walk down memory lane is enough to bring back memories of why the two of you first fell for each other in the first place. Marriage.com says that “Planning a nostalgia night” is a great way to go back and re-create a sense of comfort in your relationship once again.
3. Try New Adventures, Small or Big
Routines are the enemy of love. Couples who disrupt their routines feel more satisfaction and intimacy. Rock climbing, dancing salsa, or even eating at a strange restaurant, shared novelty releases the same pleasure hormone dopamine that initiated your first dates (RF Dance).
Too apathetic to go skydiving? Okay. Make a date jar of adventure, take a fast break, or even study together. The concept is being new together. Couples who do new things survive longer than couples who repeatedly engage in the same old routine, research says.
4. Learn Thoughtful Gestures and Appreciation
It’s the small things that keep love growing. Kira Bartlett, PsyD, among countless others, would say that “gratitude is one of the most important positive emotions for thriving relationships.” Expressing your gratitude to your partner each day whether that is as easy as a thank you for putting the garbage out or surprise thank you note in their lunchbox, can be a complete lifesaver (Oprah Daily).
Work on developing a ritual of appreciation: once a week, give one another something you are thankful for about the other. Or, as Marriage.com advises, “surprise each other with considerate gestures” such as the single snack food you adore or a thoughtful text. These little routines put you in a feedback loop of appreciation that charges your moods and your marriage.
5. Playfulness in and Out of the Bedroom
Physical intimacy is not sex it’s closeness. Cuddling, hand holding, and even a six-second hug can release oxytocin and lower stress (Gottman Institute). If things are getting stale on the texture level, spice things up: take a 30 day intimacy challenge, try out a new fantasy, or simply double hug or double kiss time.
And if pressure to perform is killing the mood, remove sex from the agenda for a bit. Tune into something else besides kissing, touching, holding hands and allow foreplay to develop. As counselor Juliana Morris suggests, “Not going all the way can help relax the situation, as well as allow vulnerability and create a buildup of sexual tension.”
6. Prioritise Quality Time No Screens Allowed
With our life always connected, distraction-free time is valued. Having one phone-free day every day or even one ‘no tech’ night a week is a headline (RF Dance). Help cook dinner together, take the sunset walk, or just sit and chat no scrolling permitted.
You want to begin small: even 10 minutes of conscious connection daily will get you feeling like teammates, not roommates. These are the “oxygen for your relationship,” energizing emotional intimacy and trust.
7. Take up at Deep Conversations and Vulnerability
Surface level chats won’t cut it when you’re in a slump. Sharing secrets, dreams, and even fears can reestablish emotional intimacy (Oprah Daily). Try asking each other questions like, “What’s one thing you’ve appreciated about me lately?” or “Is there something you’d like me to work on?” as suggested by RF Dance.
Vulnerability is something that will sneak under your skin, but it’s what makes things intimate live. Couples therapist Dr. Sue Johnson explains that “This requires a mental shift from what is wrong with one’s partner to what one’s partner can do that would work.”
8. Begin a New Project or Hobby Together
Purchasing something new as a couple is not only enjoyable it’s bonding. Dancing, cooking, or just gardening, finishing projects together gives you the sense that you’re doing it as a team and getting something done together (Marriage.com).
It is not becoming experts so much as learning, memories, and laughter that you develop along the way. These new experiences bring you new things to discuss and anticipate, seasoning the dull humdrum of daily life.
9. Seek Professional Assistance Before It Becomes a Problem
Couple’s therapy is not for dysfunctional couples. Indeed, Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) reunites couples 70 75% of the time (Keith Miller Counseling). New therapy is not bad but is learning new ways, forgetting old ones, and having a safe haven where both members are heard.
If you’ve had a break in communication, perpetual issues, or simply a slow drift away from one another, therapy can assist in restoring physical and emotional closeness again. And as Insights Psychology points out, “Seeking help is not a sign of weakness it’s a powerful act of love and courage.”
10. Incorporate Affection and Gratitude into Daily Life
Don’t let go of the intensity of a six-second kiss or a love letter penned by hand. Body touch and everyday habits of gratitude are proven relationship happiness enhancers (Gottman Institute).
Begin small: hug every day, leave sticky notes with sweet nothings, or make a joint playlist of tunes that remind you of one another. These are small things, but they are the threads that hold holding intimacy together.
11. Provide Room to Grow
The tighter you hold on, the further you have to be sometimes. Space causes the heart to grow fonder and builds anticipation, relationship experts like Jennifer Levy counsel. Take a night out or a weekend away and then reunite with fresh adventures and new appreciation for each other (Oprah Daily).
Encouraging each other’s independence isn’t a threat to your bond it’s a way to keep things interesting and ensure you’re both bringing your best selves to the relationship.
Relationship doldrums aren’t failure they’re a signal it’s time to turn the corner and spark again. With a healthy dose of real communication, playful exploration, everyday gratitude, and, if necessary, professional assistance, couples can take a low point and make it a launching pad for greater intimacy. Relationship cycle through the seasons but with creativity and determination, the next one can be closer.
