“Couples who have long marriages are 30% happier and more likely to succeed if they receive pre-marriage counseling,” Health Research Funding adds. That is not the end and start it is wake-up call for everyone but the bride to forever with the sweetheart. In this day and age of wedding hashtags trending their way on the trending page in warp speed, however, the question is not whether to ‘yes’ the wedding dress, but ‘yes’ to the one.
For actual women who are in love, whether he’s or isn’t is irrelevant to honeymoons destinations and butterflies. It’s respect, trust, values, and weathering the storms out together. This book unlocks the largest clues he’s husband material and why premarital counseling is the marriage success secret. Ready for green flags that actually matter? Here’s the scoop.
1. He shares your values and life goals
It’s easy to get swept up in chemistry, but long-term happiness hinges on shared values. If your partner aligns with your beliefs on family, career, and lifestyle, you’re already ahead of the game. As divorce coach Mandy Walker reminds us, “Start with your values and consider how someone’s behavior may demonstrate those values.” If he’s on the same page on important matters like kids, finances, or geography it’s a sign he’s in it for the long haul.
Studies confirm that there’s a strong role shared values have to having a brilliant and blissful marriage. Don’t sleep on respecting one another’s wants and needs this is the key to keeping couples breathing through difficult times.
2. He’s Emotionally Mature and Communicates Openly
Let the emotionally unavailable male catch his breath. The keepers will dirty talk and apologize. As Dr. Dan Neuharth wrote, “He knows how to say ‘I was wrong’ and ‘I am sorry.’ He will talk until 2 a.m. if necessary so you don’t go to bed upset or feeling lonely.”
Emotional maturity means getting along without blaming and stonewalling. Well-communicating couples can ride out anything life brings them. Learning how to communicate is one of the best dividends of premarital counseling. If he’s listening, empathizing with what you’re feeling, and letting you be heard, you’ve got a keeper.
3. He’s Consistent, Reliable, and Has Your Back
Consistency is the quiet hero of enduring love. If he shows up in your life maybe as your work rock, recalling the minutest details, or as your automatic first call emergency contact he’s showing you that he can rely on you.
Abiola Abrams, life coach, puts it this way, “He’ll volunteer to skip the ginormous TV game and not because he has to and assist in changing your flat tire or bringing over chicken soup when you’re feeling ill.” Not the grand gestures; it’s being in the small things. That level of caring and dependability is how a boyfriend becomes a long-term partner.
4. He Treats You (and Others) With Genuine Respect
The way he treats you and everyone else is the whole story. Matchmaker Marla Martenson has this to say, “The way that he treats people, his family and his friends, particularly his mother, is a good indication of what kind of husband he’s going to be.”
Respect has nothing to do with holding doors open for people, or adding ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to the end of each sentence. Respect is to show that you respect your opinions, believe in your goals, and never make you feel inferior (even though you have different thoughts). A man who is respectful towards your family and friends and is okay with gender equality such as sharing household chores or celebrating your success at the workplace shows that he’s ready for an equal, modern marriage union. Respect is the building block upon which are constructed trust and emotional safety in marriage.
5. He’s Financially Responsible and Honest About It
Money speaks and so should he. To live economically does not mean that he is richer than Bill Gates, but that he is honest with money, pays bills in time, and saves for tomorrow. Marriage counselors confirm that financial issues are one of the leading causes of fights among couples.
Premarital counseling encourages couples to discuss finances comfortably from budgeting to debt to shared goals. If your partner is open to these conversations and willing to work as a team, you’re set up for a smoother ride ahead.
6. He Supports Your Growth and Independence
A genuine partner is never threatened by your success rather, he will encourage you. Amy James, psychologist, provides, “A man who is worth hanging onto is self-assured and will support your success. He will praise your endeavors and stand by to listen when things go awry.”
He’s in front of your passions, your friends, and your career aspirations, with the knowledge that a good relationship develops as the two of you diverge and converge at the same moment. That sort of setting gives each of you room to grow and not pull against one another. He permits you to be you and points the way to being so.
7. He’s Ready to Do the Work (and So Are You)
Love is not emotion love is a choice. Successful marriages are founded on effort on both parties’ behalf. He enjoys apologizing, compromising, and negotiating as equals. According to psychotherapist Lisa Kaplin, “Men who notice details in the environment around them possess that little extra sensitivity necessary to be an entire partner at home.”
If he’s willing to roll up his sleeves and get his hands dirty, from grimy socks to latenight conversations, he’s demonstrating he’s in it for the long term. Construction and compatibility with each other is what sustains love beyond the honeymoon.
8. He Makes You Laugh and Brings Pleasure to Everyday Life
A good sense of humour isn’t a virtue there’s only so much time. “If you can’t laugh at the drams that pop up between you and your life partner, things are going to be very tough,” counsels Abiola Abrams.
Laughter gets you through tough moments with couples, creates memories, and tough moments but keeps going. And if he makes you laugh on a bad day and appreciates little things, you’ve got somebody who will ride out life’s storms with you and laugh at it.
9. He’s Not Afraid of Vulnerability
True intimacy is dropping your defenses. From Melissa Fritchle, a psychotherapist, “It means allowing your partner to see you without conditions.” If he’s committed to being honest with his fears, dreams, and even flaws, he’s showing willingness to create great trust.
This is the vulnerability on which a good marriage rests. If each feels okay to be himself, anything is up for discussion between them. Vulnerability is the seasoning that makes it possible to be intimate.
10. He’s Ready for Commitment And Shows It
No set of green flags on this earth will do anyone any good if he’s not ready to move to the next step.
Actions are louder than words: he speaks of the future, speaks of you in plans and never keeps anything hidden in terms of where the relationship stands. Experts opine, “When he speaks of plans, he is speaking of you in them. You know he’s serious with you and not playing games for the moment.”
If he’ll start life with you and you both are prepared in all ways financially, mentally, and emotionally then you’re on a long-term relationship solid ground.
11. You’ve Weathered Storms Together (and Come Out Stronger)
Every couple faces challenges, but the ones who last are those who can problem-solve as a team. If you’ve already navigated tough times be it financial stress, illness, or family drama and come out stronger, it’s a sign your relationship has the resilience needed for marriage.
Premarital counseling can put the issues out of the way early so they never come up, and show you how to fight properly. And, as research has proven, learning to fight is one of the strongest predictors that you will have a healthy marriage.
12. You Both Are Willing to Try Premarital Counseling
That’s the buzzword for couples this week: premarital counseling. Not only will you have a 30% increased chance of survival in that great building of marriage, but it will show you how to communicate, resolve conflict, and have realistic expectations. Brooklyn College says, “There is a window of opportunity during the year before the wedding and the six months or so after when couples gain the optimum benefit from marriage preparation.”
Counseling provides you with a neutral space to discuss everything from in-laws to money with your partner, and develop skills that will benefit the two of you for decades to come. If the two of you are going to spend money on your marriage today, you’re investing money in a lifetime of love.
13. He Makes You Feel Safe, Loved, and Truly Yourself
Lastly, the greatest indication that he is the one is this: you feel home, loved, and utterly yourself when you’re with him. He loves you for you, believes in you as much as you believe in your own potential, and makes you feel home wherever you are.
It is not love; it is about building a union where the two of you can both prosper.
If you cannot envision your life without him, and he is making you the best that you can be, listen to your heart this is love.
Choosing the perfect life partner will likely be the most terrifying thing you will ever do, but it doesn’t have to be. Look for these green flags, communicate honestly and openly (and perhaps some pre-wedding therapy), and trust your gut. When you have someone who cares about the same things you do, who is looking out for your best, and will work together with you to build a future, you’re not building a wedding you’re building a marriage of the ages.
