“Sometimes you can be lonelier in a relationship than you are when you’re single.” This oxymoron is not only beautiful it’s true for the majority of couples. Emotional loneliness within relationships is more prevalent than most of us care to admit, and it hurts more because it is occurring with the person you love. But this is the good news: loneliness doesn’t have to be the end of your story.
It may be the spark that rekindles your relationship and develops into a deeper, truer one. Read on for the best, expert-approved methods to help you and your partner weather the distance, communicate more effectively, and regain the intimacy you’re missing.
1. Be Vulnerable: It’s the Secret Sauce
Vulnerability is the oxygen of intimacy, but it’s probably the first to be lost when isolation sets in. For Brene Brown, vulnerability is about being willing to ‘show up and be seen, even if you don’t have control over the outcome.’ Being willing to open your heart and speak of your fears, needs, or vulnerabilities and feel exposed at the end is maybe scary, but it is the doorway to true connection. Emotional vulnerability allows your partner to look at you for what and who you really are in all your flaws, all your distinction . This isn’t oversharing or ‘trauma dumping,’ but honesty with your emotions even when it’s painful, When both of you are honest with each other, the trust builds and the space diminishes. If you are afraid of vulnerability, begin small. Share a hope, a fear, or a memory you have never shared before. As Verywell Mind learned from therapist Shari Foos, ‘Vulnerability is when one willingly takes the risk of suggestive their feelings and vulnerabilities.’
2. Communication: It’s Not Talking It’s Listening
It’s no secret communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, but it’s not talking it’s listening to one another. Active listening is a total game changer. Try to give five minutes of uninterrupted conversation, and then switch. Use ‘I feel’ statements to express your feelings instead of blaming, such as ‘I feel sad when we are apart.’ Validation is equally important to validate your partner’s feelings even if you don’t receive them. Just like Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW C, ‘Validation and trust exercises help you connect for real and feel as if you can trust your partner.’ Activities like communication like mirroring, maintaining eye contact, and even gratitude journaling can change how you connect. Always keep in mind that sometimes it’s not to win the argument but to understand each other better.
3. Restore Intimacy with Quality Time and Shared Experience
When time tables become crunched, quality time is the first casualty and with it, emotional intimacy. Quality distraction-free conscious time spent together is a great cure for loneliness. Super romance is not required; breakfast or evening walk routine will do wonders. Do some play couples’ therapy activities such as ‘Memory Lane Mapping,’ where the two of you take a walk down the highlight reels of your relationship, or build a ‘Future Dreams Collage’ where the two of you come up with your mutual hopes. The Appreciation Jar where you both put down what you appreciate in your partner can increase positive energy and remind you of couple positives. The objective is to forge new memories and re establish the connection, so loneliness cannot re appear.
4. Meet Unmet Needs and Emotional Neglect
Loneliness can also develop from feeling emotionally, physically, or socially deprived. It’s helpful to know what you are lacking. Do you need more loving? More heart conversations? Or simply more together time? Emotional abandonment can be conveyed in absence, nonsupport, or even lack of empathy. Solution? Open and honest communication about what each of you needs. Ask open ended questions such as, ‘What do you feel most supported by in me? ‘or ‘How can I be a better ally to you?’ Don’t think that your partner is a mind reader. According to therapist Laura Sgro, ‘Our partners aren’t mind readers and it’s OK to ask for what we need from them.’ Once both individuals get their say and are heard, the relationship is a sanctuary, not an isolation chamberess to extend to each other.
5. Call in the Professionals Therapy Isn’t for ‘Broken’ Relationships
If repairing hasn’t succeeded and isolation persists, then it’s time to bring in the professionals. Couples therapy is not to be reserved for when everything has gone dreadfully wrong it’s an active step toward more intimacy. Contemporary couples therapy has evidence-based approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method that are designed to restore trust, smarter communication, and increased empathy for one another’s emotional lives. Individual therapy also can uncover patterns such as avoidance or resentment—that trap you. And if you’re not ready for couples therapy yet, individual therapy can get you out of your own way. As Dr. Anton Shcherbakov says, ‘Vulnerability is the glue that holds people together in any kind of relationship.’ You can find and reach for that glue with the help of therapy.
6. Foster Connection Beyond the Relationship
Though your partner is one of the people you rely on, they are not capable of doing it all by themselves. Hanging out with friends, family, or something you enjoy can significantly reduce isolation and infuse new energy into the relationship. When you’re content on your own, you’re less apt to take your B game into your relationship with your partner. Whatever it is you want to achieve, being responsible for your own interests can help you feel more stable and less reliant on the relationship to be fulfilled.
7. Make Emotional Intimacy a Daily Habit
You don’t do emotional intimacy once and then abandon it it’s a daily effort. Daily check-ins with each other about your feelings, your needs, and even your fears keep you connected and avoid loneliness from dominating. Do the ‘daily gratitude’ exercise: before bed, tell someone something about your partner that you appreciated that day. Or, take some time once a week for a ‘relationship check in’ a judgment free space to talk about what is working and how it can be done better. As Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW, recommends, ‘It is crucial that couples establish the habit of speaking daily since this helps them engage in hard conversations and keep trouble at bay.
These small habits can be the difference to your feeling of closeness. Solitude within a relationship is not failure it’s an invitation to listen. Practicing vulnerability, self-editing, cherishing time, and being willing to ask for assistance when necessary can convert emotional distance into deeper connection.Delivering it to one another will not be easy, but every step in the right direction is a step closer to a more rewarding, more resilient relationship.ConnectionStrings are within our control and it starts with the willingness to extend to each other.
