
When things go wrong in therapy, it’s as if the ground has been pulled out from under a family’s feet leaving heartbreak, confusion, and a frantic search for solutions. For some families in the UK, the suffering is not just about losing touch; it’s about the possibility that a professional one trusted has sown seeds of doubt that blossomed into a forest of false accusations and estrangement.

1.The Unseen Risks of Unregulated Therapy
In the UK, therapy is on the increase nearly one in three adults have consulted with a counsellor or psychotherapist in the last year. But here’s the irony: there is no statutory regulation of most private therapists. That is, anyone can use the title “therapist” or “counsellor,” put a sign on the door, and begin taking clients, regardless of training or the lack of it. In contrast to the US or most of Europe, where therapists are required to be registered and licensed, the UK’s patchwork system of voluntary professional associations can’t provide protection against improper practices. If a therapist is struck off a register for improper behavior, they can quite simply just continue to work under a new title, with no requirement legally to tell clients.

2. When Therapy Turns Toxic: The Family Fallout
Such cases as Steve’s are becoming all too common. His daughter, Joni, was an alive young woman until, after beginning therapy, she became aloof, withdrew from contact, and ultimately accused her parents of abuse that never occurred. Steve calls the experience “being brainwashed.” The family’s grief was intensified by the knowledge that they had no legal means to intervene and put an end to the therapist’s hold. “This therapist has destroyed our family’s life. I used to be an outgoing person; now I’m a shell,” Steve shared. The sense of powerlessness is echoed by many parents who, after listening to podcasts like Dangerous Memories, realized their stories were not isolated incidents.

3. The Science (and Controversy) of False Memories
The idea that therapy can create memories of abuse that never happened isn’t just a family’s worst nightmare it’s a scientific debate that’s raged for decades. The so-called “memory wars” started in the 1980s and 90s, when therapists began to apply methods such as guided imagery, dream analysis, and suggestion to “recover” memories of childhood trauma that had supposedly been repressed. But as Dr. Elizabeth Loftus, a memory expert, describes, “You can plant very rich, detailed false memories in the minds of people.” She continues, “It doesn’t mean that repressed memories do not exist, and repressed memories could still exist and false memories could still exist.”

But there simply wasn’t any significant credible scientific evidence for this notion of sweeping repression, and yet large numbers of families were broken up by this, what I’d call unsupported, allegation. Her work has demonstrated that memories are not rigid they can become tainted, altered, or even invented by suggestion, particularly with the person who has an agenda or a hypothesis about what “had to have occurred” in a client’s history. False memories can be planted using suggestive interview methods.

4. The Continuing “Memory Wars” of Today’s Therapy
In spite of the scientific backlash, therapists continue to believe in repressed memories and dissociative amnesia even with advanced degrees. Recent research from the UK discovered that more than 78% of mental health professionals believe in repression, and over 84% believe in dissociative amnesia. Therapies such as EMDR, commonly used to treat trauma, are at times used in a manner that induces clients to “recover” repressed memories. This is particularly dangerous when client and therapist alike anticipate that some repressed trauma lies hidden, awaiting excavation. The consequence? A statistically significant number of clients “recover” new traumatic memories in therapy, but the validity of such memories is frequently impossible to ascertain.

5. Gaps in the Law and Pressure for Reform
Therapy-induced estranged families are demanding immediate legal reforms. In the UK, coercive or controlling behavior is illegal in intimate or family relationships but not if it is from a therapist. Lord Marks of Henley-on-Thames has argued, “Where therapists or so-called therapists can alienate children from their families, they can exercise a great deal of control and charge a lot of fees over a long period because they increase the dependence. It’s a form of transference.” Moves to bring in statutory regulation and criminalise coercive therapy have as yet come to nothing, leaving families exposed and without proper protection.

6. How to Screen and Select an Ethical Therapist
With everything riding on it, therapist selection shouldn’t be an afterthought. Professionals suggest seeking out practitioners who have been accredited by bodies such as the Professional Standards Authority for Health and Social Care. Verify their qualifications, inquire about how they work with trauma and memory, and don’t hesitate to pose difficult questions. As Dr. Ashley Conway et al. recommend, It is important that the public understand, and can have confidence in, applied practitioners who have been trained in evidence-based therapies and who are regulated. This is easier to be clear about in public service settings. It’s essential that we assist the public in distinguishing ethical, evidence-based and regulated practitioners if they’re seeking help privately. Most recovered trauma memory cases aren’t connected with any therapy, but when therapy is present, ensure it’s with someone who practices best methods and shares what they do with their clients.

7. Healing the Wounds: Rebuilding Trust After Estrangement
For therapy-split families, hope is not lost but healing requires time, patience, and a light hand. Psychologists advise beginning softly, living in the moment, and leaving ego at the door. As Dr. Karen Gail Lewis advises, “Meet in a local, quiet, neutral place to discuss how to improve the relationship. Schedule regular times to communicate, and then play together afterward.” It’s important to celebrate small gains and gradual progress, and to set expectations in check reconciliation is possible, but it will not be an overnight miracle. Anger tends to conceal more profound emotions of hurt, guilt, or shame, so finding ways to defuse anger prior to engaging in reconciliation can be the difference-maker. Family counseling can offer a safe, neutral space where both sides can vent their emotions without fear of being judged or the situation escalating.

Even if complete reconciliation is not on the table, counseling can assist families in working through their feelings, establishing good boundaries, and coming to terms with what has occurred. As a parent posted after going for expert advice, “I no longer feel so helpless and hopeless.” I realize it will be an uphill struggle but ever since meeting James I am certain that I will be more receptive and judicious in the way I handle a situation well beyond the level of comprehension that I would have had previously.
At other times, the strongest move is merely to remain open to the chance of reconciliation, however dim the light at the end of the tunnel appears.