What if it’s scariest not to lose your faith, but to lose yourself. For others, giving up a system of belief isn’t just a swap of weekend rotations. It’s as if it destroys that very scaffolding which has held fast to their identity, relationships, and understanding of the world for years, or decades.
The psychologists who advise the “religious dones” those who have left behind their religious upbringings characterize the process as empowering and painful. Although the choice to leave may be a matter of conviction, the emotional fallout is more likely to strike at the hardest-core fears embedded in the psyche. The fears are not fear of belief they’re fear of belonging, safety, and worthiness.
The following are a few most common fears that keep humans bound to religion in spite of changing beliefs and what professionals have to say about treating them.
1. Loss of Family Relations
Religion may become so intertwined with family life that leaving would be like tearing at the fabric of those relationships. For a few, the price is subtle strained interactions, unspoken disapproval. For others, it is more drastic, like being cut off entirely. Research on high-cost religious groups suggests that exiting can lead to social isolation and complete loss of contact with relatives, especially in cultures where religion is very identity-orientated.
Psychologist Daryl Van Tongeren, PhD, also observes that this specific fear gets amplified as religious identity gets equated with cultural identity. It’s no longer relational loss but getting rejected for who your culture is. Getting out of this often requires establishing boundaries and reinstalling connection sources in the form of extended family or chosen family or support groups.
2. Fear of Eternal Punishment
Fewer fears strike more intensely than that of hell. Religious trauma specialist Andrew Jasko describes how, in groups that grew up under fundamentalist upbringings, hellfire imagery comes out early, so that it will create a “hardwired” fear response. Even after having broken free of a group, members will carry nagging questions “What if it’s true?” that create anxiety and panic.
Treatment, as described by Jasko, usually entails deprogramming of such beliefs and resolving the traumatic response. It’s not about replacing a belief system with a new set of beliefs but resolving that nervous system so that that fear no longer dictates a person’s day.
3. Fear of Social Rejection
In most religious communities, social connections are centered on the congregation friends, spirit sponsors, business contacts. You’re depriving yourself of a whole network in a single evening if you leave. Sociological research indicates that church social networks are among the highest contributors to emotional and instrumental aid, and losing them will most likely detract from well-being.
One psychotherapist, Marlene Winell, PhD, recommends forming new social relationships. Exbelievers’ online discussion groups, community gatherings, interest groups can be used for getting reconnected with a sense of belonging outside religious groups.
4. Fear of Losing Purpose
Church structures would already have prepared responses to life’s great questions. Or else, some will find themselves lost. As if, “When people walk away, they often feel a sense of emptiness that needs to be filled.”
Therapists will most often ask clients to find core values e.g., compassion, curiosity, or justice that might provide a compass. Acceptance and commitment therapy operates to convert such values in day-to-day behavior, assuming a meaning that comes from oneself but isn’t imposed.
5. Fear of Moral Collapse
Some are persuaded that morality resides with God, and moving away from formal religion may infuse a fear of being “bad” with no divine watchfulness. They point, however, to empirical data that religiosity may not necessarily translate to more positive behavior toward others particularly outsiders.
Therapists like Arielle Marston, PsyD, free patients from connecting ethics with dogma. If they examine that which resonates with kindness, justice, and integrity in their own language, patients will be able to rebuild a resilient and authentic moral identity.
6. Fear of Cultural Betrayal
Religion or faith is a core element of cultural identity for certain traditions ritual, music, language, celebration. Departure may mean betraying one’s ancestors or leaving heritage. This holds more predominantly for religious faith communities where religion and ethnicity form a knot tied together.
It is advised to make this of cultural adaptation, not rejection. It remains possible to honor traditions, food, and arts with respect yet not adhere to theological assumptions that they’re built upon, yet remain in connection honoring individual integrity.
7. Fear of Loneliness
Other than congregational worship, religion brings rhythm weekly gatherings, communal rites, and built-in camaraderie. Without it, many find an unanticipated silence. Studies on disaffiliation note that isolation can be one of the most daunting expenses.
Therapists may also ask clients to deliberately organize social time: take up a hobby, volunteer, or attend social events to recreate that feeling of community. With time, new relations may come to feel as rich and nurturing as older ones.
8. Fear of Confessing Change
As in saying, ‘I don’t believe anymore,’ which can feel akin to destroying a past self. For others, it comes with having grieved over lost years or feeling guilty over decisions taken in the name of religion. And that is where self-compassion comes in.
Dr. Jared Warren recommends being as kind to yourself as a good friend would be to a friend “It’s tempting for that critical voice to come back “Why didn’t I get this earlier?” but recovery comes from accepting the role that faith once had without letting it dictate your future.” Leaving religion is not generally a single-bound decision, but a journey of navigating through loss, fear, and self-discovery.
These fears are so primal precisely because they strike at a most basic level of attraction with our core needs for safety, connection, and meaning. But as may be attested by ex-believers as well as psychologists, it could be navigated. With others’ help, self-compassion, and will to learn to live otherwise, this land once held by fear may come to be that of development, liberation, and more truth to ourselves.
