“Unless she’s going to say it to you, how do you know that she’s interested or not?” It’s a puzzle that’s baffling even to the bravest of men. Language is ephemeral sometimes whimsical, sometimes strained. And although posture gets so much attention, the truth is verbal cues are just as revealing.
For dating singles or men, it’s the take on these backhanded compliments that brings them from questioning if she’s into them to knowing so. These aren’t declarations of love, but crumbs little morsels that, collectively, say attraction.
From dating gurus and life experience, the crème de la crème of these are what women actually say when flirting with you as something more than a friend:
1. “You’re different”
When a woman tells you that you’re “different,” she’s not referring to the way you’re actually dressing your toes. She’s likely contrasting you with the other men she’s dated and appreciating what she finds different about you. Compliments like these are so powerful because they’re commenting on who you are, not how you appear. As found by Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, complimenting the two of you puts the two of you in a good mood. If she’s sneaking that in, this is how she’s expressing respect without overdoing it.
2. “I don’t usually tell people this, but…
Flashing your cover or revealing your secrets or personal information is a strategy of vulnerability. Vulnerability isn’t typically guarded, but if she guards it, that indicates she’s feeling safe and valued to you. That’s one of the few things dating psychology can actually infer from it: emotional vulnerability fosters intimacy. She’s exposing herself to you on the inside, and that’s not quite something you do with someone you don’t know well.
3. “What type of women do you prefer?”
This ain’t curiosity it’s snooping. She is thinking to herself in a subdued way if you are her type or options. Professor Aaron Ben-Zeév says that we can actually catch flirting for only 28% of the time, and therefore open-ended questions regarding liking are nuggets. If she asks you, she is inviting you over for a second compliment.
4. “We should do that together sometime”
Future plans are a soft but sure indication of interest. If she is going to a concert, hiking, or to the new coffee shop, she is inviting you into her future on some level beyond this day. This is how she is testing for compatibility and establishing commonality both sure indicators of lovability.
5. “I was just thinking about you
This one is strong because it’s truthful in its raw state. Clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., explains that freedom to express feeling and thought is an invitation to intimacy. If she’s saying that she’s had you on her mind, she’s asking the same of you by being near her emotionally and then telling you.
6. “I wish you were here
Expressing a desire for your presence is about more than missing company it’s about missing you. In modern dating, where words are chosen carefully, this phrase often carries romantic undertones. Responding with a respectful echo (“I’d like that too”) keeps the connection warm without rushing it.
7. “You always look good”
One “You look nice” is politeness. But “You always look good” is habitual flattering. At Judgment and Decision Making, they’ve discovered that women rate higher for honesty when complimented by these types of statements. If she’s saying it daily, she’s showing her interest.
8. “When are we hanging out again?”
Planned initiation is a ginormous sign that she likes to do things with you and is not seeking it to be over. It’s not time-wasting time is being invested in you. In psychology of attraction, quality time on a regular basis is one of the foundations of building strong relationships.
9. “Why are you single?”
This blends curiosity with a compliment. She’s essentially saying, “You’re a catch how has no one locked this down?” With dating becoming more selective (Morgan Stanley projects that by 2030, 45% of working women aged 25–44 in the U.S. will be single), this question often means she’s assessing if she could be the one to change that.
It’s not a matter of analyzing each word into fragments it’s hearing patterns. One compliment is wonderful, but when a string of them appear one following the other, they create an irrefutable pattern of interest. So what? Pay it back. Attraction is reciprocity, and in responding to her subtle invitations with your own, you stop playing guessing games and start rapport-building.
