But is marriage still the ultimate relationship goal, or has it quietly lost its place in modern love? A closer look shows that people’s approaches to commitment have changed significantly over recent decades: few couples go to the altar, divorce rates slip, and the average age of first marriages rises. While these may all signal progress for some people, for others this could bring into question whether the institution in itself fits today’s realities.
That is a complex picture that therapists, researchers, and sociologists are unpacking: how shifting expectations, evolving gender roles, and economic realities are reworking what marriage means-and if it’s worth pursuing anymore. It’s a nuanced conversation from fostering emotional safety to addressing inequity much like the relationships it describes.
What follows are nine compelling views from relationship experts on why marriage is neither purely outdated nor universally necessary but rather deeply personal and variable.
1. Marriage as a Commitment to Growth
Dr. Jared Anderson frames the value of marriage around mutual devotion: It can feel out of date if defined by rigid roles and outdated norms. But when it’s about “building a life and future together” and supporting each other’s dreams, it becomes a profound act of partnership. Creating this vision takes sustained effort-maintaining deep friendship, care, and support over decades is hard-but it can yield rewards and meaning unparalleled by many other life endeavors.
2. Flexibility Over Tradition
According to Shawntres Parks, Ph.D., a therapist specializing in couples, fewer people are getting married, but the institution is not going anywhere. Many of her clients are more fulfilled when they let go of the need to live up to traditional expectations. The way couples make marriage relevant to their own lives is by personalizing the structure-whether that’s redefining roles, merging cultures, or adjusting expectations.
3. Legal, Emotional, and Financial Benefits
Melissa Hummelt from BetterHelp emphasizes that marriage still affords the partners legal protections, financial benefits, and emotional security. However, she says this is no longer something that is required for a fulfilling relationship. Long-term partnerships are increasingly accepted even without the incentive of marriage, making this, therefore, a personal value decision rather than one done out of societal obligation.
4. A More Deliberate Approach
As Marni Feuerman, Psy.D., says, people get married now much later than before, and they are doing it more purposefully. The delay often reflects a focus on personal fulfillment, career goals, or the choice not to have children. For those who marry, benefits may be improved health, reduced loneliness, and a lifetime of shared experiences-if this is what better meets their underlying needs.
5. Marriage Isn’t a Cure-All
Ann Rosen Spector, Ph.D., said that marriage is not a magic fix. To her, communication, conflict resolution, and shared vision all mean so much more than the legal status. She would remind couples that great relationships come both inside and outside of marriage-and that the label itself doesn’t guarantee happiness.
6. Commitment Beyond the Institution
Marriage per se is not at all the heart of the debate, says Adam Borland, Psy.D.; what matters is long-term, loving commitment. A relationship that is based upon mutual respect and shared meaning may be just as fulfilling whether or not it is formalized with a marriage certificate.
7. Balancing ‘We’ and ‘Me’
Alexandra Solomon, Ph.D., writes, “Modern marriage is more fragile and more precious.” She invites the couples to explore the question, “How do we create a marriage that honors both of our yearnings?” The task is to create a strong ‘we’ while allowing space for growth as individuals-an endeavor that requires both emotional attunement and intentional skill-building.
8. Stability in an Unstable World
Sharon Spiegel, Ph.D., also reports that while modern couples have an easier time leaving a marriage, it does offer some stability to people in really unstable times. Spiegel warns, though, that if couples view marriage as a trial rather than a commitment, they will never experience the deeper connection that comes from finding one’s way through problems together.
9. Building Equity into Marriage
Matt Lundquist encourages the couples to take one step back and consider for whom marriage works best and why. Economic security, gender equity, and social context all shape the experience. For some, marriage brings in legal and cultural advantages; for others, it cements inequities. His advice: stop and design a partnership model that serves them both fairly.
What this expert views seem to suggest is that marriage is not a one-size-fits-all affair; it’s a way of living, determined by personal values, altered cultural forces, and mutual agreements. To some, it is a milestone worth reaching, but others feel that it is optional. What’s certain, though, is that the future of marriage will be determined less by tradition and more by the imagination and attention couples put into forging their own version of commitment.
