“Loose lips sink ships” used to be the wartime warning, but in this modern work world, it might just as well be “loose lips sink jobs.” “In offices where collaboration and trust are currency, loose talk can destroy relationships in less time than it takes for deadlines to be missed.”
Worker environments thrive on connectivity, and yet not every conversation at work necessarily leads to building relationships. Etiquette coaches and organizational researchers agree on what those conversation topics are that may damage creditability and generate bias despite an attempt at casual conversation.
“What I can and can’t do’ is what this book aims to explore: those areas of human interaction that may very well be risky or fraught in certain contexts only to be perfectly friendly in others, and that are better judged in practice, case by case, than dealt with in theory.”
1. Inquiring About Colleagues’ Spending of Time or Money
Commenting on the number of vacations or designer acquisitions of someone in the office may be well intended, but it can be made in such a way that it implies judgment. According to etiquette columnist Jamila Musayeva, “Someone asks, for instance, `Another vacation already?’” and this can be “misinterpreted as envy or condemnation.” In addition to offending someone personally, such statements can contribute to gossip in the workplace, which can decrease organizational self-esteem, as identified in several studies on workplace gossiping.
2. Reviewing Eating Patterns
“Meal choices are very personal and can be about food preferences, medical needs, or choices that are, at least in part, for comfort.” It can be embarrassing and alienating when well-meaning joking is used, such as “’That’s all you’re eating?’” In this way, small talk can lead to colleagues feeling like their eating habits are under observation, and this can be counterinclusive.
3. Making an Announcement about Departing the Organization
Professional changes are thrilling, and it can be very inviting to share resignation news in advance of official action. Jacqueline Whitmore, business etiquette consultant, accurately points out that sharing resignation decisions in advance can be counter-productive, leading to mistrust and potentially undermining one’s present position when news of it reaches superiors in advance of official resignation.
4. Salary Details Discussions
Though the movement towards pay transparency is on the rise, Suzy Lins, “The Manners Maven,” cautions that, in social environments, it is better to maintain some tact. Comparing one’s salary can lead to jealousy or feelings of alienation. If it is an issue of pay disparity, it should be dealt with in a professional manner and not in a manner that may very well incite further problems.
5. Overemphasis on Stress and Burnout
Occasionally sharing challenges may build empathy, whereas emphasizing that one is the busiest or overwhelmed may breed unhealthy competition. According to Musayeva, it may project that those who have healthier boundaries are less committed. It may also create normalization for work-related stress that can impact the well-being of everyone.
6. Reliving Wild or Scandalous Weekends
Accounts of parties or irresponsible behavior might be amusing in social settings, but in professional situations, those types of narratives can harm perceptions of judgement and reliability. Whitmore cautions that sharing such stories can lead one to be doubted on professional qualities despite failing to affect performance in those situations.
7. Personal relationship information
EtiquetteExpert.org founder Jo Hayes points out that talking about life relationships crosses boundaries between the private and professional spheres. Information about relationships can be taken advantage of or used for gossiping, and it may also embarrass coworkers.
8. Exploring Medical or Health Problems
Health concerns are considered private and are protected under medical and privacy laws. Hayes advises that only what is required for appointments or accommodation needs should be shared. In some regards, Hayes’ sharing may draw too much attention to health-related rather than professional-related issues.
9. Engaging in negative workplace gossip
Findings on negative gossip at work have indicated that it can contribute substantially to decreased feelings of importance in the organization on the part of the workers. Gossip in the workplace can spread very quickly and is difficult to trace. No-gossip behavior must be encouraged among leaders and colleagues. Leaders and coworkers must communicate formally in order to disseminate information. Leaders must also act on concerns raised, talking directly to the people involved.
Professionalism is less about suppressing personality and more about understanding which conversations build on trusted relationships and which conversations tear them down. By avoiding those difficult topics, professionals can protect their reputations and the camaraderie of their work environments. “In environments that are centered on respect, professional success and professional teams are much more apt to flourish.”
