“Have you ever been in a meeting in which everyone nodded and smiled and delivered glowing feedback when you knew that the work hadn’t been that stellar? In certain work environments, this phenomenon of too much niceness is ingrained to such an extent that it can damage levels of trust and efficiency and collaboration. Here lies the problem in such situations: the more people hide behind masks of niceness when it comes to uncomfortable situations, the more obvious this dishonesty becomes.”
How can professionals and managers balance giving feedback or expressing concern and preserving relationships at the same time? Social psychology and organizational behavior literature indicates that too much politeness can hide problems in relationships, derail innovation, and create lack of trust instead of helping to build it. Giving up on kindness is obviously not the answer what needs to change is empty talk in favor of detailed and constructive criticism.
“The next nine approaches utilize insights from workplace psychology, nonverbal communication, and leadership in order to move from “too nice” to truly trustworthy – and still be respectful and empathetic:”
1. Break the ‘Niceness Culture’
In many such teams, what psychologists refer to as “pluralistic ignorance” exists: each believes the others are enjoying this “too nice” atmosphere when, in fact, most people dislike it. In the classic smoke-filled room studies, group members’ failure to speak keeps this conformity in place. That needs to be overcome by just talking about it: talking to coworkers about whether you can truly say you like the generic praise or whether you would like specific points in return.
2. Keep Feedback Specific and Behavior-Based
“Big fish” statements such as “Great job” are indications of lack of attention and understanding. Specifics empower, and this is what makes generic statements less credible. In addressing reports, for instance, instead of just describing it as “a good job,” it can be highlighted that “the data visualization helped reveal some of the complex trends.” There is less sensitivity when it upgrades behavior rather than people.
3. Read and Align Nonverbal Signals
Nonverbal communication can carry much more weight than the words that are said. In one such study, it was seen that the tone of voice, posture, and facial expressions were given preference over the words that were spoken, and in some cases, the difference went up to 13 times. Thus, in order to build or maintain trust, it is necessary that the tone of voice and facial expressions align when you are delivering praise in words. Pay attention to people’s micro expressions as well.
4. Strike a Balance Between Positive and Negative Feedback
In terms of team performance, it has been shown that the optimal ratio of praise to criticism that leads to higher outcomes is 6:1. This ratio doesn’t mean that you can only praise and never criticize, it means that you should praise and criticize in combination. Three types of conversations are: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation.
5. Turn to Inner Dialogue Before Speaking
Mood contagion is, in fact, a phenomenon: the negative emotions in the feedback provider can generate stress responses in the receiver, closing down receptiveness. Before giving feedback, it is helpful to evaluate what you are feeling. If it is frustration and disappointment that are dominant, it may be helpful to pause and regroup. It is better to use the skill-building approach, which emphasizes actions that are within the control of the receiver.
6. Create Psychological Safety
Teams perform well when their members can speak freely about their thoughts, admit their errors, and point out flaws in the process for improvement without worrying about embarrassing each other. Psychological safety is not about shying away from uncomfortable situations rather, it is about structuring risk-taking as an aspect of growth and improvement. Psychological safety can be encouraged in teams when leaders illustrate it in their discussions about what can be gained from failure and when leaders promote respectful disagreement in teams.
7. Counter Impression Management
Some workers choose to remain silent in order to maintain their personal brand and hide any appearance of incompetence. Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson cautions that this personal protection hinders organizational learning. Encourage seeking help and showing areas of uncertainty to overcome this issue. Dissent and doubts are indicators of engagement, and this will help decrease the timidity that causes too much niceness.
8. Employ Tools in Managing Overreaction
If the feedback is perceived as personally directed, it may be equated in the receiver’s mind with an attack on his or her ego or personality. “What this feedback is about” and “what it isn’t about” contained in the containment chart can be used to distinguish between behavior and personality. By this approach, it becomes easier to respond objectively to the message. Secondly, this approach is advantageous to the manager because it makes them aware of the receiver’s internal conceptual framework and enables them to modify their communication approach.
9. Encourage Honest Dialogue Structures
Formatted discussions such as jazz dialogues promote active listening and constructing concepts independently and unplanned. Some ground rules, such as listening or building on what someone else has said, allow for genuine conversation. Structured discussions limit the potential for conditioned responses like pleasantries to dominate. Eventually, such discussions can change team behavior and develop team norms that promote openness and trusting relationships.
“Replacing excessive niceness with trust-building honesty, in other words, is less about coming down hard on people and more about coming down to earth and being genuine. By challenging and sometimes contradicting entrenched habits of thought and behavior aligning what one says and does, for example, and making sure that praise and critique are balanced and mutually reinforcing knowing professionals can create contexts in which improvement, and not paranoia, is what comes naturally in response to what one is told.”
