However, what if “in sickness and in health” becomes a reality check? In fact, for most women in their middle age, if a serious illness like cancer is involved, it may not only affect her health but could also turn her world of relationships topsy-turvy. Although there are commitments to be there in sickness and in health, studies have revealed that there is some disturbing imbalance between the two, and in fact, it is likely to be the woman who is left behind when sickness enters into the picture.
The trajectory of illness is not a straight line. It is a journey that moves from shock at a new diagnosis, to a militarized regime of care, to a world of uncertainty. And while each part of the journey is full of its own set of emotional, physical, and sometimes financial challenges that can prove the end of even the best marriages, the stories also hold lessons, lessons not necessarily in the saving of a marriage, but in the fact that a marriage that fails is the result of a particular set of circumstances. There are nine truths.
1. Unequal Burden of Care
Research by the University of Florence, USA, indicates that there is a great likelihood of the couple separating if the serious illness is that of the wife and not the case when the husband is ill. This is not the case only in America but throughout the universe as well. In Korea, the man is four times as likely to abandon a sick wife because of the upbringing of the female to be the caretaker and the man either not knowing or not wanting to be the caretaker when the roles are reversed.
2. The Post-Treatment Void
Sian Robinson-Brown of Macmillan Cancer Support writes regarding treatment as a structured way to an end for the patient: “While treatment provides a patient with a sense of purpose in order to keep on keeping on, they may then be left feeling drained and down on their confidence in their own manifold abilities, not to mention their new paramour who misunderstands the strenuous fight it takes to ‘bounce back’.”
3. Financial Strain and Career Disruption
The repercussions for the working life are even graver. “For most women, who are already managing family and working commitments, a cancer diagnosis may force them to reduce or leave the workforce.” The female experience of the loss of earning potential post-break-up is twice as severe as the experience of the male partner’s loss, and coupled with the additional costs of the treatment (such as physio, hormonal, and psychological care), it might pose a grave problem in the future. The YAAS! Survey indicated a ten-fold rise among young patients who cannot pursue any kind of occupation post-diagnosis, but it is the ones who have metastatic illness who are most severely affected.
4. Timing and Life Stage
All variables Also, Ammanda Major, among other experts, explains that diagnosis is normally done during middle age, which is also a period filled with “re-evaluating one’s own goals and objectives, aging parents, and children growing up.” Furthermore, all these factors can really intensify the impact of stress on the relationship. For some couples, sickness may bring a desire to “have a different life and to leave, rather than to be left by one’s partner.”
5. Gender Roles and Power Dynamics
The authors of the study conducted by University of Florence speak of “traditional gender-role attitudes” of men as the providers of the family and women as keepers of the household who can have less power or negotiating ability because of their illness and changing role within the family. Here the woman already has the role of the caregiver; therefore, caring for her would be an interruption rather than something to be done together.
6. The Impact of Specific Diagnoses
However, the impact of cancers on divorce rates is not the same. Registration studies in Norway and the US have shown that the patient with cervical carcinoma has an increased risk of divorce, which is twice that of the controls. A possible risk is the sexual function impairment and infertility, which are being considered among the major risks. In fact, the breast carcinoma does not pose any risk to the divorce rate, although the risk by virtue of being in the young age group is a possibility.
7 Emotional Withdrawal and Communication Breakdown
In the study of partners in Canada’s “Transitions,” some partners reported going emotionally distant or not talking about cancer or leaving altogether. Also included in the list of those who “pulled away” were some friends as well as some coworkers, making it even more difficult to deal with what was occurring. Issues in talking have been stated to cause relationships not to function.
8. Coping Styles and Resilience
“Couples who used a positive form of dyadic coping, like working on problems as a team or trying to see things from different points of view, were doing all right.” In one study, it was shown that survivorian could function as a resiliency strategy that could decrease not only survivorial distress, but also distress among partners. On the other side, avoidance or negative coping may enhance survivorial distress. In one study, it was shown that spouses’ distress was related to their own resiliency “and their partners’.”
9. Silver Linings and Relationship Strengthening
Even in the face of alarming data, it is remarkable to note that women feel that having a disease has enabled them to know who their friends are. This is termed by author Kate Browne as the “cancer colander,” a kind of sieve which sifts away those who stand by in the bad times as opposed to those who are friends as long as the sun shines.
Far more women estimated their relationship to improve rather than break. Being ill may draw attention to the imperfections in a relationship but also allow a view of the good things underneath. For the woman in the midst of life who suffers from cancer or another disease, which potentially changes her life, recognition of the forces which are afoot makes all the difference. While relationships surely break, others learn to adjust.
