“Your brain processes rejection in the same manner as pain,” has determined fresh research. If that’s too melodramatic, ask the person who’s ever had to repair a heart that doesn’t return the love heartbreak does not come much more real. Bitterness of love that will never be returned can make even the bravest spirit doubt themselves, reliving every second and every ‘what if’ all over again. And the good news is, it is very possible to get over it, it’s the greatest act of self-love.
This isn’t a how-to pretend you don’t care book or a “get over it” book. This is a book about showing up in the imperfect, messy work of letting go baby steps. Buckle up for evidence-based tools, no-nonsense speak, and a healthy dose of tough love, all doled out to help you on your journey towards healing and the return of your sparkle. Ready to get started on feeling like yourself again? Let’s begin.
1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve Seriously, Let It Out
Suppressing your feelings is like shaking a soda can and expecting it not to explode. Heartbreak hurts because you’re not just losing a person you’re letting go of dreams, plans, and the version of yourself that hoped for more. As Kristin Neff, PhD, puts it, “Painful feelings are, by their nature, temporary. They will spread out and wither with time provided that we do not feed into or perpetuate them by fighting or avoiding.” Then cry, write it down in your journal, or say it out loud with someone you trust. Mourning isn’t linear, and every tear you cry brings you that much nearer to being whole.
2. Set Boundaries No Contact Is Your New Best Friend
It sounds drastic, but severing all connections (at least, for the moment) is the quickest method to end the cycle of expectation and disillusion. That is, unfollow, mute, or block on the socials, and don’t drive yourself crazy scrolling past their feeds. The Calm Blog advises, “Protect your emotional wellbeing during this sensitive time.” Boundaries are not mean-girl boundaries are about giving your heart some room to breathe.
If you’re worried about being harsh, remember: “Boundaries are essential for recovery from a broken heart. They also make the process of moving on to date again easier.” (Calm Blog). It’s not forever, but it is for now and your future self will thank you.
3. Lean Into Your Support System You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Heartbreak might have you wondering about burrowing into the blankets, but connection is actually one of the best antidotes. When possible, fill your days with others like family and close friends who love you and make you feel valued. Those friends who drive hours just to spend time or those family members who phone every single day can be a lifesaver as one true life story shows. It’s alright to seek help “People are different. It takes strength to ask for help, and when we open up with safe people it builds more authentic and real relationships.” (Kristi Yeh, LMFT).
When you’re trying to get it together and can’t, call a therapist. Therapy isn’t only for “big things” it’s life-altering for anyone that’s trying to survive loss and rebuild.
4. Lean Into Your Support System You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Catch yourself with surprise time in your week? Use it to get back to what makes you, you. Tinkering on a new hobby you put on the backburner, learning a new subject of interest, or just taking a walk in fresh air these pursuits are not diversions they’re building blocks of the next phase. The Calm Blog advises, “Try doing things you’ve never given up on or trying new things that make you happy. Having fun can distract you from pain and help you regain a sense of self and purpose.”
Journaling, music listening, and even watching a rerun of a favorite past television show (in moderation) can be healthy ways of coping and recovering from the overwhelming nature of your emotions. Just take care that diversions are activating and not dulling.
5. Combat Negative Thoughts Your Self-Worth Is Not Based on Rejection
It’s okay to be like, “Am I ever going to get loved again?” or “What’s wrong with me?” after you’ve had a crush. But here’s the deal: “Thoughts are not necessarily facts,” says Kristi Yeh, LMFT. Catastrophizing is common, but it is not reality. Turn it around instead: This experience never diminishes your worth or your capacity to love and be loved in the future.
If you find yourself sliding back down the spiral, take a deep breath and treat yourself gently, remembering, “No feeling is final” (Rainer Maria Rilke). Time will heal, and your pain now seems pitiful in comparison to your eventual happiness.
6. Practice Self-Care Even the Little Things Matter
When your heart is full, even the most ordinary rituals are out of reach. Ordinary meals, plenty of water, exercise, and rest are the building blocks of emotional strength. As Kristi Yeh, LMFT, describes, “Everything is harder to manage when you haven’t eaten regularly or gotten enough sleep.”
Gentle activities like yoga, stretching, or just stepping outside can shift your mood. Self-care isn’t about perfection it’s about giving yourself the compassion you’d offer a friend.
7. Accept That Healing Takes Time There’s No Magic Number
If you’re impatient to “just move on,” you’re not alone. But heartbreak doesn’t follow a schedule. According to experts, “There’s no fixed timeline for healing emotional pain.” Some days you’ll feel okay, others not so much. That’s normal.
“Be gentle with your healing process. When you’re grieving heartbreak, it’s gonna be day by day, and to be gentle to yourself and to your process.” (Calm Blog). Healing is not a straight line, but each day getting to choose you is a victory.
8. Know Your Patterns Knowledge Is Power
Unrequited love is an opportunity to learn about your attachment style and relationship patterns. Do your partners become unavailable? Do you put others on pedestals? As Verywell Mind describes, “Attachment style can affect how you form and maintain adult romantic relationships.” You can learn what your own patterns are and make different choices the next time and get in the running for more equal, satisfying love.
9. Practice Healthy Distractions But Don’t Fly Away from Your Feelings Forever
I want to differentiate between fleeing from your feelings and escaping them. A guilty pleasure escapist television show, a motivational soundtrack, or even a crazy vacation is okay as an escape. Just don’t leave your feelings behind. As Kristi Yeh, LMFT, would put it, “Distraction is a way of treating yourself to a break from the intensity of some feelings with the hope of getting back to the feelings when you are feeling safe and have enough coping resources to be able to tolerate the distress.”
10. Seek Professional Help If You’re Struggling
If you’re crushed, more than you can bear, you’re not weak you’re human. Chronic misery, struggling to make it through each day, or dwelling on hurting yourself are indicators to seek help. As WebMD advises, “If you’re having trouble, talk to a therapist about your feelings.” Therapy can sort out feelings, turn negative thoughts around with positive ones, and become stronger for tomorrow.
11. Say Hello to Growth Your Next Chapter Awaits
Heartbreak, as painful as it is, can be a catalyst for your personal development. Time will tell you how far and how much you’ve traversed the journey of self-discovery, what you require and want from love. As one of the heartbreak victims had asked in a rhetorical manner, “The growth that I’ve learned from it all is something that I truly feel that I needed to endure.” That is your opportunity to pen your tale, featuring you.
Unrequited love will leave you as poor as a beggar, but it will not decide your fate. By loving your heart, respecting boundaries, and loving and taking care of yourself, you’re not just moving on you’re leveling up. Taking each small step is a declaration of the fact that you’re strong, deserving, and capable of overcoming and rediscovering the light once again. Healing is a process, but with every new day, you’re creating a brighter tomorrow than you could have ever dreamed.
