Ever get that feeling your family has just been eliminated from a real-life version of ‘Survivor: Faith Edition’? When a loved one exits the LDS church, it feels like you’re stuck in a labyrinth of questions, assumptions, and unfinished emotions. But here’s the catch: this isn’t your story alone it’s one that’s frequently retold in scripture, in living rooms, and in hearts everywhere. The process can be painful, yes, but it’s a deep chance to learn, to heal, to connect. If you’re struggling with doing this or even whether to feel about it, you’re in the right place—and there is more hope (and aid) than you can possibly envision. Prepare yourself for authentic, heart-enriching advice that can set you free to breathe more easily and love more richly regardless of where your loved ones are on their spiritual journey.
1. Let Go of the Blame Game. It’s Not Your Fault
It’s far too simple to utter, ‘What did I do wrong?
‘when a loved one leaves the church. But since agency is so central to doctrine, even the best of families can lose children or partners down an alternate path. The lead article states, ‘Life isn’t a checklist, and our family members aren’t badges of honor.”‘. Nor are they badges of shame.’ Self-guilt (or others’ guilt) produces only guilt and inhibits real healing. As D. Morgan Davis goes on to state, ‘We are moral beings and agents unto ourselves, free to choose but also responsible for our choices.’ Taking away blame opens up opportunities for understanding, learning, and authentic connection.
2. Love Without an Agenda: Channel the Pure Love of Christ. The best reaction when someone departs?
Love them as if no time at all has passed. Elder M. Russell Ballard testified: ‘Please don’t lecture them.”. Your friends or relatives already know what the church teaches. They don’t require another sermon! What they do require what we all require is love and compassion, not judgment.’ This agenda-free love is a game-changer. As the featured article describes, being an unconditionally supportive friend has the potential to bring you closer even when you don’t agree on things. Take a listening, not arguing, stance and inform your loved ones simply that your love is unchanging such as the Savior’s.
3. Exercise Agency Understand Their Right to Choose
Agency is not buzz; it’s the heartbeat of the gospel.
Wilford Woodruff instructed, ‘God has given unto all of his children individual agency.’ That is to say, on your loved one’s path, even when difficult. Attempting to control or manipulate their decision only makes things more constricted. Instead, respect their right to pursue truth, just as you assert that right for yourself. That respect builds trust and leaves open the door to good conversations in the future.
4. Forgive Heartbreak Trust God’s Greater Plan
It is natural to grieve or be afraid for your loved one’s spiritual health, but embracing heartbreak will be a barrier to all of us. The main article reminds us of, ‘If we really understand the gospel of Jesus Christ, there’s no need to be heartbroken.’ More than 99.5% of the world is not LDS, but God’s plan and love cover them.
As Paul penned, ‘For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face.’ Have faith that God’s love is stronger than any barrier, and that He has a plan for every heart yours, and your loved ones’.
5. Keep the Conversation Genuine Compassion Over Fixing
When someone shares about doubt or coming to the decision to leave, hold back from trying to fix or argue.
As Nate Bagley explains, ‘Showing empathy doesn’t mean you have to agree.It just means you have to try to understand what their experience must feel like.’ The judgment-free environment you provide is the safe environment that makes your loved one feel respected rather than imposed upon. This strengthens stronger relationships and enables genuine, healing conversation even on difficult subjects.
6. Never Give Up
Hope and Prayer Still Work Scripture is full of instances of parents and prophets who never gave up hope or loving for their children, even when they disobeyed. Lehi, Alma the Elder, and many others show us that persistence in loving and praying can bring miracles, regardless of whether those miracles come slowly or differently than expected.
As one source narrative reminisces, ‘These prayers will be answered, in the Lord’s will and time.He may not send an angel, and He will never take away someone’s agency, but it doesn’t mean He won’t work miracles.’ Hold on to hope, keep praying, and believe that your efforts do count.
7. Make Connection, Not Perfection
Other times, pain over seeing someone you love move on is tied up in our own perfectionism or worry about what other people will think.
But as one article states, you have to release the perfectionism and accept actual, imperfect relationships. ‘We can’t make this more about us than it is about them.’ Feel blessed by your loved ones’ best strengths and stories, even if they’re not what you envisioned. Real relationship is more important than a perfect family any day.”. Working through a loved one’s change of faith isn’t about possessing all the answers it’s about electing love, respect, and hope over fear and judgment.”.
When you surrender to empathy, respect agency, and trust in God’s great love, you’ll discover not just your own healing but greater resiliency, richer relationships. The path may be uncertain, but the potential of unmotivated, agenda-less love is always worth taking.
