“Doing your children a great disservice if they go out into the world thinking it’s all about them,” warns parenting author and expert Dr. Louis J. Lichtman. Reality? Most parents no matter how hard they try are left wondering whether their child’s whining, tantrums, or lack of appreciation are just typical adolescent angst or signs of something more. With instant satisfaction and unlimited selection in the current world, it is easier than ever for well-meaning parents to fall into habits that foster spoiled behavior.
But the silver lining here: Spoiled attitudes can be reversed. With some pro-backed refinements, you can teach your child to trade “I want it now!” for “Thank you, I appreciate it.” From identifying the tell-tale red flags to no-nonsense, real-world solutions for raising more gracious, better-mannered kids, this book demystifies what you need and need to do today.
1. Tantrums Over ‘No’ And Why They Happen
If saying the word ‘no’ makes your living room into a battle scene, don’t panic. Experts assure that every child has their tantrums, but frequent, intense tantrums when they don’t get what they desire are one symptom of being spoiled. According to educational psychologist Michele Borba, “Spoiled kids can’t handle the word. They expect to get what they want and usually do.”.
These tantrums have a tendency to continue on into toddlerhood and only worsen if parents always succumb. The MindShift Wellness Center instructs to use loose, consistent discipline: “Manage these tantrums with relaxed and persistent discipline, teaching the child healthier ways of expressing their needs and feelings.” Ignore the tantrum when it is safe to do so, and re-state boundaries firmly eventually, the theatrics lose their power when they no longer reward the child.
2. Never Satisfied: The More, More, More Trap
An overflowing toy box containing treasures and still reaching for attention for the very first time, “I want something else”? Dead giveaway. Entitled kids usually do not appreciate what they have and always yearning for the next. As Borba outlines, “Because they have a lot, they tend to be unappreciative and a bit greedy.”
This can’t-be-satisfied craving isn’t so much for things it’s for attitude. The Parents app shines a light on how this attitude can create an unhealthy obsession with things and a superficial contentment. The antidote? Practice family gratitude. Daily gratitude practices such as talking “three good things” at dinner lead kids to pay attention and appreciate what they already have.
3. The World Revolves Around Them: Self-Centeredness and Entitlement
If your child is looking for special privilege and cannot think about others’ feelings, entitlement may be subtly developing. Borba states, “Spoiled kids think more of themselves than of others. They feel entitled and expect special favors.” This may manifest as unwillingness to share, refusal to listen to others, or demanding attention.
Empathy education is most important, according to child psychologists. Every time your child acts selfishly, ask him or her nicely, “How do you think your friend felt when you took the candy?” Have them come up with ways to say sorry. These everyday moments strengthen empathy and prevent selfishness.
4. Struggling With Disappointment and Losing
Spoiled children usually have a problem with frustration losing at a board game, not getting what they want. Therapist Virginia Williamson explains that such children will whine, always need compliments, or blow up when plans fail.
The Parents app experts caution that protecting children from loss or disappointment deprives them of precious life lessons in resilience. Rather, let them encounter failures and challenge them to push through the feelings. This is beneficial in emotional regulation and preparing them for the cruel realities of the world outside.
5. Refusal to Accept Rules or Responsibility
When your child dismisses household rules or expects exceptions, that is the time to act. Spoiled children can struggle with limits, believing they are above the consequences. The MindShift Wellness Center further notes, “Spoiled children may resist complying with rules and boundaries established by parents or authorities, believing they should be exempt from consequences.”
Respecting firm, clear limits is essential. Inform children what is expected and follow through with consequences appropriate for the child’s age. Work assignments and giving natural consequences (such as withholding playtime if chores are not done) teaches responsibility and accountability.
6. The Power of Saying ‘No’ Without Guilt
Most parents worry that the child will be damaged emotionally if they say ‘no’ to him or her. But child psychologist Michele Borba cites studies that indicate structure and boundaries actually build kids’ trust and empathy. She advises, “Add ‘no’ to your vocabulary and don’t feel guilty about using it with your kids.”
When you need to say no, explain briefly: “We can’t have a toy today because we are saving for something special.” Be firm, and remember kids whine, but they love clear, consistent boundaries.
7. Practising Gratitude as a Family
Gratitude is not a feel-good fad it’s a scientifically proven way to create happier, less entitled children. For Sunshine Parenting, evening gratitude sharing, jars of gratitude, and even “warm fuzzies” at parties make kids think about what’s good in their world.
Start small: At dinner or bedtime, take turns naming something you’re grateful for. Encourage kids to thank others for acts of kindness, and get involved in giving back as a family. These rituals build a culture of appreciation and help shift the focus from getting to giving.
8. Modelling Empathy and Kindness
Children learn from example. Parents who themselves model kindliness, patience, and compassion are most likely to have their children exhibit the same. MindShift Wellness Center stresses, “Parents and caregivers are like role models for a child’s behavior. Being kind, respectful, and patient teaches a child that these qualities are valuable.”
Use daily interactions to discuss feelings yours and theirs. Practice patience when other people are becoming impatient, and teach your child to do likewise. These become habits after some time.
9. Parenting for Patience and Delayed Gratification
In an era of one-click purchase and instant satisfaction, patience is an underdeveloped (but needed) talent. Permissive kids are used to instant satisfaction, therefore they may act spontaneously and become irritated easily.
Experts suggest that wean away from the rewards and encourage children to set goals. For instance, if your child desires a new toy, encourage them to save allowance or wait for a special event. They learn not only patience but also appreciate what they already have.
10. Eliminating Material Rewards and Prioritising Experiences
It is easy to demonstrate love with presents, but research indicates that cutting back on material rewards helps children grow up with a more positive idea of happiness. The MindShift Wellness Center recommends replacing experience, quality time, and quality interaction instead.
Replace shopping outings with family walks, game nights, or working at a volunteer station together. These experiences create lifetime memories and let children know that happiness is not in things, but in relationship.
11. Promoting Independence and Accountability
Kids develop well when given duties and responsibilities befitting their age. Making them do chores, taking decisions on their behalf, and demonstrating the solution to problems makes them feel independent and deserving.
Let your child learn from the natural outcome of his or her behavior (if it is safe). If they forget homework, let them be addressed at school. These are learning experiences that build resilience and teach children that actions have consequences.
It takes no perfection to raise a resilient, thankful, and giving kid it takes only a commitment to say “no,” be empathetic, and grab the small moments. Spoiled behaviour isn’t permanent. Some thoughtful tweaks can shift families from tantrums and entitlement to appreciation and affection. The process won’t be easy every time, but the reward a child who can succeed in the real world is well worth it.
