More than half of couples report that they ‘never’ or ‘rarely’ go on dates, reports the Institute for Family Studies. It’s not merely a statistic it’s an alarm call to anyone who believes the little things don’t count in marriage. While grand gestures take all the credit, it’s the tiny, mundane things (or their absence) that quietly build or destroy a relationship.
2025 weddings are flooded with more distractions and stressors than they’ve ever experienced, but that only offers more opportunities to reunite and reaffirm your bond. From not apologizing to dismissing the power of gratitude, these are the stealthy pitfalls that can sabotage even the best marriages and the quick, tried-and-true fixes that can reset, today.
1. Not Apologizing: The Quick Path to Resentment
It might be harmless to ignore a minor error or avoid a genuine apology, but the hurt soon piles up. Elizabeth Scott, PhD, is on the money: “Apologizing also allows you to discuss what the ‘rules‘ are going to be in the future. Creating new rules for the relationship can get you taken care of so you’re not hurt down the line.” Telling the truth and taking responsibility are the real glue in a marriage. Without them, little hurts turn into nasty resentment. If apologizing feels cringeworthy, remember this: even the humble “I’m sorry” can start to heal and reattach.
Level up? Master the art of a full apology: own your partner’s hurt, own your part, apologize, and talk about how you’ll do better next time. This is not damage control it’s how trust is built and regained in the long run.
2. Putting Everything Else First in Place of Your Partner
It’s simple to let work, children, or even your phone push your spouse aside. But if your partner is always last on your mind, the distance accumulates. The Institute for Family Studies reports that 52%of couples seldom or never go on dates a stark indicator of how simple it is to slip through the cracks. Small moments of closeness even a quick summary of your day can be a lifesaver.
Relationship coaches suggest setting a weekly date night or check-in, no matter how busy life gets. Even a short walk together or coffee in the morning can set your marriage on the agenda of your mind. Implementing active listening with questions like “What are you looking forward to today?” can build more intimacy and help both partners feel heard, as Michelle Scharlop advises.
3. Never Saying Thank You: The Marriage Killer in Plain Sight
Taking your partner for granted is perhaps one of the fastest methods of draining the happiness from your relationship. As psychologist Arash Emamzadeh says, “When expressions of gratitude repeatedly underscore a romantic partner’s responsiveness and helpfulness, the partner is more likely to feel able to offer valued assistance.” Research has shown that grateful couples are more united and satisfied.
Practice each day a ritual of appreciation: say one thing you appreciate about your spouse every day, with no repetition. This simple practice will transform your relationship so that both of you feel loved and motivated to keep on giving your best. As an incentive, share a shared gratitude journal or surprise your spouse with a thank-you card for the little things they do. Gratitude is not just nice it’s essential.
4. Constant Criticism: Breaking the Cycle
No human being does their best when they feel like they are under a microscope. Constant nitpicking, even with the best of intentions to help, will erode confidence and intimacy. Relationship therapist Kyle Benson illustrates, “It’s simpler to stab our partner by saying they’re the one with the problems, instead of lowering our guard of criticism and saying, ‘My needs aren’t being met, help me.” Persistent criticizing is a defensive strategy that spirals out of control, making both parties feel misunderstood and demeaned.
Rather, notice what you’d prefer more of, not less. Use “I” statements to state your needs and trade judgments for questions. Catch yourself before you judge, and ask: What do I need most here and now? A move from blame to curiosity can turn a fight into a moment of true connection.
5. Avoiding Feelings: The Threat of Emotional Neglect
Brushing aside your partner’s emotions, even in a casual manner, introduces an irrepressible sense of isolation. In the opinion of psychology expert Suzanne B. Phillips, “These types of chronicdynamics between partners become corrosive. They destroy the mutual respect and trust necessary for love and connection.” The emotional neglect can be standing right in front of you, but the damage is not covert.
Active listening is the solution. Practice validation by echoing back what you hear (“You’re overwhelmed due to work pressure?”). Even when you don’t agree, showing empathy makes your partner feel heard and secure. And if unsure, state: “Do you need advice, or do you simply want me to listen?” Being present at times is the greatest support you can offer.
6. The Power of Active Listening and Validation
Active listening isn’t a therapist buzz term its a marriage superpower. Couples who use active listening every day say they feel more intimate and trusting.AsTalkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan describes, “Validation is important in any relationship. We all want to feel validated in life.” Active listening exercises like uninterrupted sharing or mirroring can help partners actually listen to each other, not just respond.
Try to establish a five-minute timer and let your partner speak uninterrupted. After they finish, paraphrase what you heard to ensure comprehension. Not only does this prevent misunderstandings but also enhances safety in the relationship. Remember: listening to understand and not respond is the long-term connection secret sauce.
7. Couple Gratitude: The Science-Backed Habit
Need a relationship jump-start in an instant? Start a practice of gratitude. Researchers at the University of North Carolina Wilmington did a study and discovered that the couples who kept each other’s gratitude journals weremore intimate and happy in their marriages after two weeks. Gratitude practice together brings you closer, makes you a better listener, and enables you to notice your partner’s positives even on the toughest of days.
Make it fun: exchange thank-you cards, sticky note reminders, or evening take-turns sharing with each other what you love and appreciate about one another. Consistency is the key. The gratitude practice becomes a relationship habit that repays us with warmth, strength, and joy over time.
8. Scheduling Regular Check-Ins: The Date Night Effect
Date nights aren’t a luxury they’re a necessity. Research has shown that those couples who schedule regular time together are more likely to stay close and weather the highsandlows of life. A daily “venting session” or weekly sit-down can be a means for partners to get what’s on their mind off their chest, share triumphs, and meet challenges head-on.
If Friday night dinner dates aren’t budget-friendly, a mini date is the next best thing: a 10-minute sit-down during dinner, a stroll around the block, or a morning coffee date before heading to work. The goal is to prioritize making time for conscious connecting, without distraction. These little rituals accumulate and become the building blocks of a solid, healthy marriage.
9. Expressing Needs With “I” Statements and Requests
When angry, it is natural to slip into blame or demands. But the authorities agree: using “I” statements and asking instead of demanding can transform conflict into cooperation. For example, replace “You never assist around the house” with “I get frustrated when I have to clean up by myself. Could we split them up somehow?” That diffuses defensiveness and speaks to collaboration.
Remember, your partner isn’t a mind reader. Clearly expressing your feelings and needs, while staying open to compromise, paves the way for solutions that work for both of you. It’s not about winning it’s about building a partnership where both people feel heard and supported.
Marriage is not flawless it’s a step-by-step path of becoming, with each step brimming with potential. In exchange for criticism, inject wonder, inject gratitude into daily life, and hold relationship first, couples are able to take subtle traps and turn them into gargantuan opportunities for becoming. For 2025, make these practices endorsed by the experts your map to a surviving marriage, but one that thrives.
